Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
