Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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