I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
