He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
