Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
