I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
