Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
