Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
