Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
