take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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