I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
