Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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