I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
