I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
