on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
