how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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