He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
