We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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