At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I stole a fireplace last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
