she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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