Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
