We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dear god my vagina.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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