I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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