mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
