You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
