Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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