I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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