last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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