Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
