She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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