Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
