and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My penis needs a shock collar
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
