Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
