I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
