Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
