My balls are so social today.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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