his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
