This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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