Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
