look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
