HIV tests are more positive than that guy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
