did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
