haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
