Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
