Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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