I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
