you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
