I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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