ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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