I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
