It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
